R11:SA3 04.txt
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//EDITING NOTE: Any changes to this section must be synchronized with SA3_08.txt (Hotori's lines).
リビングの窓際に穂鳥の姿を見つけた。%K%P I saw Hotori over at the living area window. ひとりその場にたたずんで、外の雪景色を眺めている。%K%P She was gazing at the snowy landscape outside, standing there alone. オレはゆっくりと、彼女の元へと近づいていった。%K%P I slowly approached her. 悟「穂鳥……」%K%P Hotori... 後ろから、声をかける。%K%P I called out to her. 彼女は静かに振り向いた。%K%P She quietly turned around. 穂鳥「ん? どうしたの?」%K%P Hmm? What's up? 悟「賭けのこと、忘れたわけじゃないだろう?」%K%P You haven't forgotten about our bet, have you? 悟「質問、させてもらうぞ?」%K%P Ready to answer my questions? 穂鳥「ああ、うん、いいよ」%K%P Ah, yeah, sure. とても素朴な反応。%K%P A naïve answer. 穢れのない透き通った瞳で、オレのことを見つめている。%K%P With pure, transparent eyes, she looked at me. オレに対する敵意も、警戒心も、まったく感じられなかった。%K%P I couldn't feel the slightest hostility or wariness from her. こんなにも無防備な彼女に向かって、いったい何を言えばいいというのか……。%K%P Face to face with such a defenseless woman, just what should I say...? 『オレのこと、殺そうとしてるのは、おまえなのか?』%K%P "Are you... the one trying to kill me?" 訊けるわけがない。%K%P Like I could ask her that! オレはとりあえず、ネズミのことを尋ねてみることにした。%K%P For now, I decided to ask about the rat. 悟「おまえ、ゆうべのこと、覚えてるか?」%K%P Do you... remember last night? 穂鳥「ゆうべのことって?」%K%P Last night? 悟「ネズミの、ことなんだけど……」%K%P About the rat... 穂鳥「ああ、それがどうかしたの?」%K%P Ah, what about it? 思いがけず、あっさりとした返答……。%K%P An unexpectedly quick reply.... 意表を突かれたオレは、しばし困惑の中をさまよった。%K%P Caught by surprise, I was left bewildered for a brief moment. 悟「殺したのは、おまえなのか?」%K%P Are you the one who killed it? ようやく見つけ出した言葉を、恐る恐る唇に乗せる。%K%P I finally brought myself to say it. 穂鳥「うん」%K%P Yeah. 穂鳥「悟も見たでしょ?」%K%P You saw too, right? 穂鳥「私がテーブルの角に、たたきつけたところ」%K%P I smashed it against the edge of the table. どうしてこんなにも淡々と言える……?%K%P How can she say that with a straight face...? もしかして、今の彼女は……。%K%P Maybe, right now she's.... 悟「おまえ、ほんとに穂鳥なのか?」%K%P Are you really Hotori? オレは顔色をうかがうように尋ねてみた。%K%P I asked her, studying her expression. 穂鳥「どうしてそんなこと訊くの?」%K%P Why are you asking me something like that? 穂鳥「私が、別の誰かに見える?」%K%P Do I look like someone else? 悟「じゃあ、今のおまえは、やっぱり……」%K%P Then, you're Hotori right now after all... 穂鳥「うん、今の私は涼蔭穂鳥」%K%P Yes, I'm Suzukage Hotori right now. 穂鳥「過去の私も涼蔭穂鳥」%K%P I was Suzukage Hotori before, too. 穂鳥「未来の私も涼蔭穂鳥」%K%P And I'll still be Suzukage Hotori in the future. 穂鳥「ずーっとずーっと、死ぬまで一緒」%K%P Forever and ever until the day I die. 穂鳥「私は私、一生『涼蔭穂鳥』という名前を背負って生きていくの」%K%P I am me, and I'll live as "Suzukage Hotori" all my life. 穂鳥「当たり前でしょ?」%K%P Shouldn't that be obvious? オレの内部に葛藤が生まれた。%K%P Conflict welled up within me. オレは穂鳥を信じたかった。%K%P I wanted to believe Hotori. ネズミのことも、阿波墨の事件のことも、穂鳥の人格だけは無関係だと、そう思いたかった。%K%P I wanted to believe that the Hotori personality had nothing to do with the rat, nor with the events at Awazumi. だが、この答え……。%K%P But her answer just now.... 今ここにいるのは間違いなく涼蔭穂鳥であり、彼女は自らネズミをたたきつけたと証言したのだ。%K%P The person here right now is unmistakably Suzukage Hotori. She even said herself that she was the one who'd killed the rat. それでもオレは、一縷の望みを託して、こう尋ねずにはいられなかった。%K%P And yet, still grasping for a single ray of hope, I had to ask. 悟「なぁ、もう一度だけ訊くけど……」%K%P Hey, one last thing... 悟「本当におまえが、穂鳥が、あのネズミを……」%K%P Hotori, did you really... you know, that rat... 穂鳥「もう、くどいなぁ~」%K%P God, you're sooo stubborn~ 穂鳥「なんでそんなこと何度も訊くのよ」%K%P Why do you keep asking me that? 穂鳥「もしかして、私のこと責めてるの?」%K%P Are you trying to make me feel bad about it or something? 穂鳥「たかがネズミ1匹殺したぐらいで何なのよ、バカみたい」%K%P It was just a rat. I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of it. 悟「たかが、ネズミ1匹って……」%K%P Just a rat...? 悟「おまえ、かわいそうだとは思わないのか?」%K%P Don't you feel sorry for it? 穂鳥「かわいそう? なんで? 意味わかんないよ!」%K%P Sorry for it? Why? I have no idea what you're talking about! 穂鳥「相手はネズミなのよ、ネズミ! わかる?」%K%P It was just a rat! A rat! Got it? 穂鳥「殺しちゃいけないの?」%K%P Is it illegal to kill a rat or something? 穂鳥「ネズミ殺したら、なんか罪に問われるわけ?」%K%p If I kill a rat, is someone gonna press charges against me? そういう問題じゃないだろ? That's not the problem, okay? 確かに罪にはならないが……。 Sure, it may not be a crime, but.... 悟「そういう問題じゃないだろ……?」%K%P That's not the problem, okay? 穂鳥「じゃあ、どういう問題なのよ?」%K%P Then what IS? 悟「ネズミだって……生きてるんだし……」%K%P That rat... was a living being... 悟「確かに、罪にはならないが……」%K%P Sure, it may not be a crime, but.... 穂鳥「でしょ?」%K%P Right? 悟「でも、ネズミだって……生きてるんだし……」%K%P But, that rat... was a living being... 悟「命ってものは、あんなふうに粗末に扱っちゃ、いけないものなんだ」%K%P You can't treat a living thing with such cruelty. 穂鳥「うわっ! でた!」%K%P Waahh! There it is! 穂鳥「正義のヒーロー、ここに見参ってやつね?」%K%P The hero of justice makes his grand entrance! 穂鳥「きゃ~、かっこいい~!」%K%P Kyaaa~, so coooool~! 悟「…………」%K%P ...... 穂鳥「っていうかさぁ、悟はゴキブリとか殺さないの?」%K%p I mean, are you saying you'd never even kill a cockroach, Satoru? 殺さない I wouldn't 殺す I would 悟「殺さない」%K%P I wouldn't. 穂鳥「マジで?」%K%P Seriously? 悟「ああ、オレは無闇に生き物を殺したりなんかしないんだ」%K%P Yeah. I wouldn't just kill a living thing for no reason. 悟「そりゃ……確かに殺すけど……」%K%P Well... actually, I would kill it, but... 悟「でも、昆虫と哺乳類は別物だろ?」%K%P But insects are one thing and mammals are another, right? 穂鳥「つまり、自分に近い生物種は殺さないってことね?」%K%P In other words, you wouldn't kill a creature that's too much like you? 穂鳥「じゃあ、牛とか豚とか鶏とかは?」%K%P Fine, then how about cows, or pigs, or chickens? 穂鳥「魚とか植物とか微生物とかは? 殺さない?」%K%P Or fish, plants, or microbes? You've never killed one? 穂鳥「殺してないって言える?」%K%p Can you say that you've never killed one? 言える I can 言えない I can't 悟「言えるよ」%K%P I can. 悟「オレの意志が直接手を下してるわけじゃないからな」%K%P It's not like I've ever willfully killed one. 穂鳥「うわ~、それ言っちゃった?」%K%P Waaaah~, did you really just say that? 穂鳥「すさまじい詭弁だよね? それ」%K%P That's some impressive sophistry right there. 悟「どこが詭弁だって言うんだ」%K%P Where was the sophistry in that? 穂鳥「あんた、金払って肉も野菜も食ってんでしょー?」%K%P Don't you pay money to eat both meat and vegetables? 穂鳥「殺しの代価として、それを支払ってんじゃないの?」%K%P Don't you pay money in exchange for their lives? オレは押し黙ってしまった。%K%P I remained silent. もはや返すべき言葉はない。%K%P I had nothing more to retaliate with. 穂鳥のコメカミのあたりには、青いものが走っていた。%K%P A blue vein began to throb in Hotori's temple. 鋭い眼光でオレのことを睨みつけている。%K%P With a sharp glint in her eyes, she scowled at me. 鬱積した感情をここぞとばかりに晴らしている、そんなふうに見えなくもなかった。%K%P As if she were releasing a torrent of dammed-up emotions. 穂鳥「私がしたことは、それと同じ」%K%P What I did was no different. 穂鳥「だから、ひとを悪者みたいに言わないでくれる?」%K%P So can you please stop saying things that make me look like the bad guy? 穂鳥「そもそもねぇ、私はネズミに感謝されることはあっても、怨まれるようなことをした覚えはないの」%K%P Instead of hating me for it, shouldn't the rat feel grateful to me for doing that? 穂鳥「かわいそうだなんて思うはずがないでしょう?」%K%P How can you feel sorry for it? 穂鳥「ただ『よかったわね?』って、そう思うだけで……」%K%P I just thought... "that it was for the best"... 悟「どういう意味だ……?」%K%P What do you mean...? 穂鳥「どういう意味も何もないってば」%K%P What don't you understand? 穂鳥「私はあのネズミを楽にしてあげただけなんだよぉ」%K%P I simply relieved it from its pain. 穂鳥「キッチンの床で苦しんでたから……」%K%P It was in agony on the kitchen floor... 穂鳥「それで、息の根を止めてあげたってわけ」%K%P So I ended its life. 穂鳥「まあ、痛みや苦しみを取り除くという意味に於いては医者と同じね?」%K%P Actually, isn't taking away pain and suffering like that the same as what a doctor does? 穂鳥「私のしたことは、ひと助けならぬ、ネズミ助けなわけであり~」%K%P It's just that in that case, it wasn't a human I helped, but a rat~ 彼女の発言を聞いて、ようやく目が覚めた。%K%P Listening to her, I finally came to my senses. オレはどうやら涼蔭穂鳥のことを勘違いしていたようだ。%K%P It seems I had misunderstood Suzukage Hotori. 今朝から昼にかけて、穂鳥は何食わぬ顔をして平然と振る舞っていた。%K%P From this morning until the afternoon, Hotori had worn an innocent look on her face and behaved calmly. ネズミのことなんて、忘れてしまったかのように……。%K%P As if she'd forgotten... about the rat.... その姿を見て、オレは思った。%K%P Looking at her, I thought about it. やはりネズミを殺したのは、穂鳥の人格ではなかったのだと……。%K%P "So it mustn't have been the Hotori personality who killed the rat after all," I thought.... しかし、そうではなかったのだ。%K%P But that was wrong. 彼女が自然な素振りを見せていたのは、ただ単純に、何の感情も抱いていなかったからだ。%K%P She'd committed the act as though it were perfectly natural, because she thought nothing of it. 罪悪感や後ろめたい想いなど、これっぽっちも抱いていなかったから……。%K%P She felt no guilt at all.... だから、彼女はこんなにもケロリとしていられる。%K%P That's why she can be so nonchalant about it. 彼女にとっては、ネズミ1匹殺すことなんて、たいしたことではないのだろう。%K%P To her, I guess killing a mere rat was nothing. 日常のありふれた行為のうちのひとつ、その程度にしか認識していないのだ。%K%P She only thought of it as just another ordinary event in her ordinary life. 『たかがネズミ1匹』……。%K%P "Just a rat".... 確かにそうかも知れない。%K%P Well, that may be true. けれど、それと同じような感覚で『たかが人間ひとりぐらい』と、もしもそのように彼女が考えているとしたら……。%K%P But what if she said "just a human being" as well...? オレは戦慄を覚えずにはいられなかった。%K%P The thought made my hair stand on end. なにしろ彼女は、ひとりどころか12人もの命を、過去に奪ったことがあるのだから……。%K%P And moreover, she had already taken the lives of not one, but twelve people in the past.... 『楽にしてあげただけなんだよぉ』%K%P "I simply relieved it from its pain." 『床で苦しんでたから……』%K%P "It was in agony on the kitchen floor..." 『痛みや苦しみを取り除くという意味に於いては医者と同じね?』%K%P "Isn't taking away pain and suffering like that the same as what a doctor does?" 阿波墨市立病院での凶行も、あるいはそんな単純な動機から行なわれたものだったのかも知れない。%K%P The motive for the horrendous murders at Awazumi Municipal Hospital may have been as simple as that. 穂鳥「話はそれで終わり?」%K%P Is that it? 穂鳥「用がないなら、私もう行くけど……」%K%P If we're done, I'll go now... 悪意がないことほど恐ろしいものはない。%K%P There is nothing more terrifying than a being without malice. 彼女が純朴であればあるほどに、内に秘めたる狂気が際立つのだった。%K%P The more naïve her behavior, the more prominent the madness within her becomes. 虫けらを捻り潰すのと同じように、ネズミをたたき殺すのと同じように、彼女は人間の命さえも奪うことができる。%K%P As easily as crushing an insect or beating a rat to death, she could take a human life. オレは再び、彼女に対する印象を改めざるを得なかった。%K%P Once again, I thought that I had to change the way I viewed her. 無論、そんな想いは顔には出さない。%K%P But of course, I didn't let it show on my face. 湧きあがる感情を抑えながら、オレは最後の質問を投げかけてみた。%K%p Trying to keep my emotions in check, I aimed one final question at her. ネズミを苦しませたのは穂鳥だろ? Were you the one who made the rat sick? 生き物を殺して楽しいか? Do you enjoy killing? 悟「穂鳥の言いたいことはわかった……」%K%P I get what you're trying to say, Hotori... 悟「おまえは苦しんでるネズミを見るのが忍びなくて、だから殺した」%K%P You couldn't stand to watch the rat suffer, so you killed it. 悟「そうだな?」%K%P Is that it? 穂鳥が小さくうなずく。%K%P Hotori gave a small nod. 悟「でも、その前にだ……」%K%P But, before that... 悟「そもそもあのネズミを瀕死の状態に追い込んだのは、おまえなんだろ?」%K%P You were the one who brought that rat to the verge of death in the first place, weren't you? 穂鳥「……えっ?」%K%P ...eh? 悟「とぼけんなよ」%K%P Don't play dumb. 悟「倉庫の隅で見つけたんだ、液体のかけられたチーズを……」%K%P I found the cheese with the liquid poured over it, hidden in the storeroom corner. 悟「ネズミの齧った後がしっかりと残ってた」%K%P It still had the rat's teeth marks in it. 悟「液体の成分はまだわからないが、恐らく何らかの毒物だろう」%K%P I don't know the composition of the liquid, but it's probably poison, right? 悟「それをおまえは、ネズミに与えたんだ」%K%P And you gave it to the rat. 穂鳥「ちょ、ちょっと待ってよ……」%K%P W, wait a second! 穂鳥「私には、なんのことだか、さっぱり……」%K%P I have no idea what you're... 悟「嘘つくなって」%K%P Don't you lie to me! 悟「おまえ以外にあんな酷いことをするヤツはいないんだよ」%K%P There's no one else here who'd do something so cruel! 穂鳥「違う、私じゃない……」%K%P No, it wasn't me... 悟「じゃあ誰だっていうんだ?」%K%P Well who was it, then?! 穂鳥「知らないよぉ、そんなこと……」%K%P I don't know... anything about that... 穂鳥の表情はかたくこわばっていた。%K%P Hotori's expression stiffened. 蒼白な頬には微かな痙攣が見られる。%K%P Her pale face began to twitch. 彼女は恐怖を感じているようだった。%K%P She was clearly terrified. それでもオレは追及の手をゆるめない。%K%P Even so, I didn't let up. さらに激しく問い詰めた。%K%P I kept piling on the pressure. 悟「おまえの中には殺人衝動がある、そうだろう?」%K%P You have homicidal impulses, don't you? 悟「その欲求を満たすためには、人の代わりになる何かを殺す必要があった」%K%P To satisfy those desires, you have to kill something else instead of humans. 悟「だからあのネズミを……」%K%P So you killed that rat... 穂鳥「違う、違う、違う……」%K%P No, no, no... 悟「毒を盛ったのは、なんのためなんだ?」%K%P Why did you poison it? 悟「単にネズミを動けなくするため……?」%K%P So it couldn't move...? 悟「それとも、本当は毒によって殺すつもりだったのが、予想に反して生き延びてしまっただけなのか……?」%K%P Or maybe you intended to kill it with poison, but it survived...? 穂鳥「なんでそんなこと言うの……?」%K%P Why are you saying these things...? 穂鳥「私じゃないのに……私じゃないのに……」%K%P Even though it wasn't me... it wasn't me... 悟「あるいは、苦しませること自体に意味があったのか?」%K%P Or did you want it to suffer? 悟「いったんネズミを瀕死の状態に追い込んでおいて、それを殺す」%K%P First you bring it to the verge of death, and then you kill it. 悟「そうすることによって、『私は苦しみから解放してやっただけなのだ』と、自分に言い聞かせることができるから……」%K%P By doing that, you could make excuses to yourself, saying "I set it free from its pain"... 悟「つまり、おまえは殺傷行為に正当性を持たせたかったんだ……」%K%P Basically, you just wanted to justify killing it... 穂鳥「うぅぅ……うぅぅ……うぅぅ……」%K%P Guuuh... uhuuu... huuuhuhu... 穂鳥「もうやめて……やめて……」%K%P Stop... please stop... 穂鳥「聞きたくない聞きたくない聞きたくない……」%K%P I don't want to hear this I don't want to I don't want to... 悟「いや、そうじゃないのか……」%K%P No, that's not it... 悟「おまえはそもそも、ネズミの命なんて、どうとも思ってないみたいだからな?」%K%P Because the life of one little rat means nothing to you in the first place, isn't that right? 悟「罪悪感なんてないわけだから、正当性を持たせる必要もない」%K%P Since you feel no guilt, you don't even need to justify it. 悟「それじゃあなんだ……? 優越感に浸りたかっただけか……?」%K%P Then what...? Did you want to indulge your own desire for superiority...? 悟「のたうちまわるネズミを見ながら、その命を支配できるという立場に酔い痴れていた」%K%P While watching that rat writhing on the floor, you got drunk on that sense of godlike control over its life. 悟「万能感……自らの優位性を示すことによって、おまえは……」%K%P By affirming your dominance... your omnipotence, you... 悟「生き物を殺して、楽しいか?」%K%P Do you enjoy killing? 穂鳥「……えっ?」%K%P ...eh? 悟「見たんだよ、倉庫の隅で、液体のかけられたチーズを……」%K%P I saw it. The cheese with the liquid poured over it, hidden in the storeroom corner. 悟「ネズミの齧った後がしっかりと残ってた」%K%P It still had the rat's teeth marks in it. 悟「液体の成分はまだわからないが、恐らく何らかの毒物だろう」%K%P I don't know the composition of the liquid, but it's probably poison, right? 悟「それをおまえは、ネズミに与えたんだ」%K%P And you gave it to the rat. 穂鳥「ちょ、ちょっと待ってよ……」%K%P W, wait a second! 穂鳥「私には、なんのことだか、さっぱり……」%K%P I have no idea what you're... 悟「とぼけんなって」%K%P Don't play dumb. 悟「おまえ以外にあんな酷いことをするヤツはいないんだよ」%K%P There's no one else here who'd do something so cruel! 穂鳥「違う、私じゃない……」%K%P No, it wasn't me... 悟「じゃあ誰だっていうんだ?」%K%P Well who was it, then?! 穂鳥「知らないよぉ、そんなこと……」%K%P I don't know... anything about that... 穂鳥の表情はかたくこわばっていた。%K%P Hotori's expression stiffened. 蒼白な頬には微かな痙攣が見られる。%K%P Her pale face began to twitch. 彼女は恐怖を感じているようだった。%K%P She was clearly terrified. それでもオレは追及の手をゆるめない。%K%P Even so, I didn't let up. さらに激しく問い詰めた。%K%P I kept piling on the pressure. 悟「もう一度訊く」%K%P Let me ask you one more time. 悟「生き物を殺して楽しいか?」%K%P Do you enjoy killing? 悟「何かが苦しむ姿を見るのが、そんなにおもしろいのか?」%K%P Is it that much fun for you to watch a living thing suffer? 悟「そうじゃなければ、ネズミにあんなものを与えたりなんてしないもんな」%K%P If not, you wouldn't have fed that stuff to the rat, would you? 穂鳥「違う、違う、違う……」%K%P No, no, no... 悟「違う?」%K%P No? 悟「だったら毒を盛ったのは、なんのためだと?」%K%P Then what did you poison it for? 悟「単にネズミを動けなくするため……?」%K%P Just so it couldn't move...? 悟「それとも、本当は毒によって殺すつもりだったのが、予想に反して生き延びてしまっただけなのか……?」%K%P Or maybe you intended to kill it with poison, but it survived...? 穂鳥「なんでそんなこと言うの……?」%K%P Why are you saying these things...? 穂鳥「私じゃないのに……私じゃないのに……」%K%P Even though it wasn't me... it wasn't me... 悟「いや、違うよな?」%K%P Or am I wrong? 悟「やはりおまえは娯楽の一環として、それを行なったんだ」%K%P And were you just doing it for your own sick amusement after all? 悟「ネズミの命をもてあそぶのが、楽しくて楽しくて仕方ないんだ」%K%P Toying with that rat's life was so much fun, you just couldn't get enough! 穂鳥「うぅぅ……うぅぅ……うぅぅ……」%K%P Guuuh... uhuuu... huuuhuhu... 穂鳥「もうやめて……やめて……」%K%P Stop... please stop... 穂鳥「聞きたくない聞きたくない聞きたくない……」%K%P I don't want to hear this I don't want to I don't want to... 悟「おまえはそもそも、ネズミの命なんてどうとも思ってないんだろう?」%K%P Because the life of one little rat means nothing to you in the first place, isn't that right? 悟「優越感に浸りたかったってわけか……?」%K%P Did you want to indulge your desire for superiority...? 悟「のたうちまわるネズミを見て、その命を支配できるという立場に酔い痴れていた」%K%P While watching that rat writhing on the floor, you got drunk on that sense of godlike control over its life. 悟「万能感……自らの優位性を示すことによって、おまえは……」%K%P By affirming your dominance... your omnipotence, you... すると、そのときだった――。%K%P At that moment―― 穂鳥「イヤァァァァァァァァァァァッ!!」%K%P NOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!! 突如、穂鳥が金切り声をあげた。%K%P All of a sudden, Hotori screamed. 頭を抱えてうずくまる。%K%P At the end of her rope, she cowered on the floor. 穂鳥「いやだ! やめて! 行きたくない行きたくない行きたくない行きたくない!」%K%P No! Stop! I don't want to go I don't want to go I don't want to go I don't want to goooo! 穂鳥「このままここにいさせてぇーっ!」%K%P Let me stay heeeere! そして、ふいに訪れた静寂……。%K%P Then, an abrupt silence.... 彼女は床にうずくまったまま、ぴくりとも動かない。%K%P Still crouching on the floor, she no longer so much as twitched. 悟「穂鳥……?」%K%P Hotori...? 呼びかけるが、反応はなかった。%K%P I called out to her, but she didn't react. その肩に触れてみる。%K%P I tried laying a hand on her shoulder. 彼女がゆるやかに立ち上がった。%K%P She slowly got to her feet. 表情からは一切の感情が剥ぎ取られている。%K%P All emotion had been stripped from her face. 無機質な仮面に覆われた白い顔。%K%P That white face was concealed behind an inhuman mask. 虚ろな瞳はどこも見てはいなかった。%K%P Her empty eyes saw nothing. もう一度、声をかけようとした。%K%P I made to call out to her. だがオレがくちを開く前に――。%K%P But before I could open my mouth――